wow, 180

What a difference a few weeks makes. I hated the bookstore, and quit. Which started the backlash of loosing my unemployment and having that reviewed and gone over.  We were lucky and blessed that we had gotten a check for something from a long time ago, and while we had planned on using it for something else, God provided for us in that way. I also get the balance of my student loan in a week or two. I am just praying that we make it until then. There is stuff coming due an I'm not sure how we will pay for it. Plus dude has not figured out that his indulgences are not in the budget and he is not listening to reason. But God is in control of even that and i am not and he will take care of me. He always has.

30 August, 2011

Huzzah! I am newly ( and possibly temporarily) employed. I am going to be working at the PCC bookstore, at least for the beginning of the term. I like the idea of just making enough to suppliment but not over what I need. And we are going to celebrate by goin to the cheap movie night. Regal has $5 movies all day on Tuesday. And yahoo is doing free popcorn if you get a text coupon. Pretty cool and a cheap date.
So how am I doing? Dunno. Havnt walked or done any study. I will work on my theology book tomorrow. And I will just do what I can. I am trying to be content. And not want or feel lacking. I do wish I knew how to get my feelings across to dude. I get jealous of the flirty and silly banter I see on twitter and facebook ani want that feeling of having someone want to flirt with me. Is that stupid? Don't know.  Maybe I need to just get over it. I used to be fine wiht the status quo. But lately I am just needing some attention that im not getting.
Well that is today. Nothing big. Well a little job but you know. I am just making my way.

29 August, 2011

So today I had the shortest interview ever. T was at the bookstore at school. I think it went well. So we shall see. I can make up to a third of my unemployment before they doc my benefit. That is good.  In fact it might bump me up to closer to what I was making. Even if the bookstore does not last im in better shape to get another part timer.
I also went to the bank and deposited a $5000 check.  Its the settlement from 3P.  Its not what we hoped, but its what god provided. It just seems that compared.to the settlement and what they didn't deduct, we thought it might be more. But its enough to get Pond fixed and get dude a new computer too. And get the bills caught up. And get a dumpster. We will be ok. There is a brief light at the end of the tunnel. 
Now we just need to get going.

Prayer 28.August

Lord, I want to be content. Im not. I want to be okay with what I have, not what I think I need. Make me thankful. I don't want to take for granted anything that I have. Thank you for providing the way you have.

28 August, 2011

So I want to start blogging. Its new and I want to be able to put my true thougts. But I'm afraid of people I know reading it. Not people who don't know me in person, but my family mostly. Can I remember and not say things that I don't want them to know? How honest and transparent can I be in front of people I have to face in person? I don't know. I will try it for now and see how it works. I want to be vulnerable and honest. So let's see how it goes.

Today was not a good day. But then its not been a good month, or year for that matter.
In April I lost my job. I was laid off, but I think they felt I was too highly paid for what I did. And if I was in their shoes I'd probably think the same. So here I am, 44 years old, the sole earned in out house and out of work. We were already pretty tight, and trying to live on 2/3rds of my salary is very hard to do. My mother in law helps generously. I hope she know how grateful I am. My mom helps as she can to. Again I'm thankful. I even applied for food benefits.(they gave us a whopping $16 a month. But its better than nothing.)
We have cut back and tried to juggle the bills. God has been very good to us. He has really come through and provided for us. And I am learning better how to trust. Not that im even close yet. But I will get there.
So this is going to be my journey. I am starting school in about a month. I got a loan the day I got accepted and took my placement tests. I may even get credit for time served at Fresno State. So we will see how that goes.
So welcome to the journey and thanks for your support.